I am taking off from work until the twins are one month old so they can go to daycare. Today I had to go to the office because of a threat of severe weather and I had to take them with me. But most days I stay home, watch CNN and take care of the twins and wait for Zeko to come home. It can get lonely, I am a person that needs something to do, something action oriented. I love my children, so much but I am realizing that I need something else to do because I am getting depressed because most of the time I am stuck at the house.
We had money issues where we spent every last dollar in the bank account on diapers and two different formulas, because Xander is colicy. We still don’t have strollers or a travel bag for their formula or diapers. I was going to ask my mother for help but my brother Boris and his wife welcomed a baby girl into the world named Victoria and I didn’t want to disturb my mother at this time. I found myself crying not sure if we could provide for them. I did tell my mother and she was a bit angry with me because I didn’t tell her. So my mom is going to help us out until we can support ourselves and the twins.
During the day when everyone is gone I find myself doing nothing except taking care of the twins. I tried doing artwork and reading but I suffer from insomnia and sometimes I go to bed at three in the morning and wake up at eight when Zeko wakes me telling me he is going to work. I do take a medication for Attention Deficit Disorder that is a stimulant and if I wake up late I have to cut back on the medication and I find myself unable to do art or read since my focus is off. I am trying to get my medications under control, but I think the combination of lack of sleep, cutting the amount of the stimulant, and just being alone is making me really depressed.